The story of Shane and I. I like to think of it as the best story I can ever tell. In 2011, I was in a bad place. I despised the idea of love and I was okay with saying I would never have a love that would last. I was growing bitter not better, all because of one person. And then, one day, I got a call from a friend, and his exact words, “I have the perfect person for you.” All I thought in that moment was how ridiculous it was that there could ever be ANYBODY “perfect” for me. It was almost impossible. It wasn’t until a month later that he began trying to speak to me every chance he could. One day, I was packing my stuff in my locker after my 4th period, and he walked up to me and said in such a nervous tone, “Hey, what’s up?” with the biggest smile on his face. And I said, “Nothing. At my locker,” so blandly back. After that day, he’d do that every other day at my locker, speak to me through facebook, tumblr and twitter. One day, I decided to give him my number. I thought it was adorable that he would look so scared to speak to me at my locker every other day, or the fact that he would stutter when he did have a chance to speak to me. I remember thinking he was extremely weird and that I’d never date him. When we started texting, each and every message sounded plain and uninteresting. I did not sugar coat a thing, frankly, I was rude, heartless, and it didn’t bother me that I was. I found amusement in it. But for some reason, a reason I just could not figure out, he continued to try harder and harder. I thought I’d chased him away by then ( 4 months later.) And one day, he invited me to the movies which I later found out his friends would be joining, only because he was too nervous to be alone with me. I agreed to go and every day after that, he kept wanting to spend time with me. I continued speaking with him and it wasn’t until a month later that I realized, “Why am I still speaking to this guy?” It was so strange. I couldn’t quite pin point the reason I still kept him around and actually began enjoying his company. I liked him in this, pretend to like his taste in music, let him eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head out your window, unfortunate way that made me hate him and like him at the same time.
At the time, I was not one to get too close to a boy. It was so unlike me, and it was even more unlike me to let him kiss me for the first time, but it just felt right to. He kissed me lightly one night, and for some reason, it felt special. But, again, I avoided any kind of emotion I could feel towards someone. Emotion was a disease I feared to be infected with. A few moments later, he looked at me and whispered, “I love you.” In that moment, so many thoughts began squirming through my head faster and faster. All I thought was, “What? Is he crazy? Did he just say I love you to me? He doesn’t even know me. It’s too soon. We’re not even dating. We haven’t even hungout or talked more than 2 weeks, he doesn’t mean it. What way did he mean it?!?!?! omg.” And all I managed to pull out of my mouth was, “What did you just say? *giggle* and he changed the subject quickly without answering the question. All I could think of was, wow he loves me. But why? I’m bad news. There isn’t a caring bone in my body. How could he ever like someone so.. damaged? and complicated? and confusing? and heartless? It’s just not possible. But then he told me later on, “I knew from the first time I laid eyes on you. You’re really hard to figure out. You can never make up your mind but that’s why I love you. When the times comes to make a decision, we will work it out. Together. You are the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me..” Hearing that, it was as if something changed in me. It was like he was the light at the end of a dark tunnel. It was like I was drowning and he saved me. Although something did change in me, it didn’t change my behavior. I still gave him the same crappy treatment from the beginning because I was scared of loving a person or caring. He stood by my side through the worst, darkest and twistiest thoughts and behavior of my life. And then, on June 11th, months later, I finally made the decision to date him. And everyday after that was complete and absolute bliss.
It is truly difficult to find someone who would stick around through the mess I put him through. So I question how I could have possibly been so lucky to have found someone as incredible as he. I thank him every day of my life for cherishing the key to my happiness, for holding my heart and not breaking it. I thank him for loving me when I’m kind, loving, but yet so cold, thoughtless and hard to understand. For being the only person capable of understanding my mood swings, my not-so-logical logic, my insanity, my “rules,” my hopes and dreams; just me. But most of all, I cannot seem to thank him enough for not leaving me at the first sight of my mistakes.
Life is a nightmare, but with him by my side, it doesn’t seem so bad. He makes even the coldest day feel warm.
To conclude this story, I used to think that I was never going to find anybody else that could possibly love me, but I did. As cliche as it seems, I met the person who saw what kind of damaged person I was and still saw the good in me. I met the person who held the qualities I didn’t know I even wanted. I met the person who managed to maneuver through the many obstacles I threw, and up until this moment, I still do not know what I did to deserve him. It can be overwhelming and painful at times, but if it’s something I’m sure of (which is rare because I’m unsure about everything), it’s that it is all worth it, he is worth it.
Let it be known, that I am completely in love.
Maggie Smith (via panda—)
“The worst thing you’ve ever done. The darkest thought you’ve ever had. I will stand by you through anything…because I love you.”